And all you see, is every possibility to not be alone.

 

 

I work (normally ha) a 17 day on rotation where I am living in a hotel and working at a project an average of 60 hours a week, and then I get to drive home, have 4 days of “downtime” (for my sanitys sake we’ll refer to it at DT) and then drive back. For the most part, this works out really well.

Only, some times it doesn’t.

I went home this weekend for dt (drive day wednesday, home thursday friday saturday sunday and drove back today). I had an awesome weekend, had dinner and drinks and played dancing games on the wii on Wednesday night with my sister, bestie/boo, and bro-mo. Thursday and Friday were more chill days, slept in, did laundry, cleaned, hung out with my main gay (aka Bro-mo). Over the weekend (Saturday into Sunday) I went with my bestie to her alma-mater and partied it up with her old roommates. I finished off my weekend watching the AFC and NFC Championship games (of which both broke my heart by more on that later – or not).  —All in all it was a perfect weekend.

Now. Normally I get to go back to work knowing that in 2 and a half weeks I will be going home again. Except, this time not so much. My next downtime doesnt start until February 16th, and that just seems so far away. On top of that,  I walked into my project today and have heard nothing but complaints about anything and everything since I got here, and I don’t even want to be in charge of this project in the first place.

I am bored with my job. I do not want to promote within my current field of project management. I want to go back to school, get my degree in Human Resources, and get the hell out of this shit — but its not working out that way. I can’t afford college right now, this job pays to well to just leave or quit or anything.

On top of all of that I am quite depressed, and my mood is cycling so fast it makes my head spin.

 

I’m just a whiny bitch and need to to suck it up and get the fuck over it. But I can’t.

Nobody ever said being a grown up would be easy, or fun — but I was crossing my fingers.

There’s a noise in my head like television static.

I slept in a bad situation last night. I must have moved about a half an inch and lost all the perfect pillow support that I had configured. Woke this morning stiff, sore, and swollen. Which means I have to call off work again today. Now, for normal people, calling in for two days in a row is probably not cause for stress, however since becoming salaried I have never been explained our attendance policy — Ohh because we don’t have one. Which stinks, because instead of knowing if what you’re doing is right or wrong, its a constant guessing game. And I always feels like a worthless sack of shit if I have to call off for a shift – because I live in a hotel on my companies dime. I feel awful taking two days off which they pay me for, pay for my hotel, and my meals. That makes me feel like the acumen of the earth. But yet, when it comes down to it, it I am deathly ill or incapacitated by pain, I have to take off from work. And my father says that the way the don’t supply us with attendance materials is to keep us from missing work unless absolutely necessary – well, it works.