I don’t wanna die in my hometown, bury my bones in your holy ground.

 

Back into the swing of life. I am running the biggest project I have ever had before and this is my first weekend off since it started. The entire time I’ve been home I have been roving the interwebs, watching netflix, vegging out.

Although I know that I need to put some serious time into myself if I want to ever find love and not die alone, I am not really interested at this point. When I am on the road, I focus on work, and I go and do and see anything and everything I can. When I come home for my 4 days a month, all that I want to do is veg, hang out with my family, drink alone or with friends, and just do normal things that I can’t do on the road because everyone I truly love is 400 miles away.

I havent felt the pull of depression for a few weeks now, which probably has a lot to do with some co workers being assigned to my project and therefore I am no longer living in a hotel room alone. However, even with one of my best work friends living 50 yards from me on the other side of the hotel room, sometimes on a friday night all I want to do is go sit at Barnes and Noble and read while I drink coffee and relax. As much as I want to live my life fully, sometimes I have to remind myself that a life of fullfillment means a life full of happy moments, even if those moments are lame to everyone else but yourself.

This probably doesnt make any sense but I have finally realized and fully understand that to live a life worth looking back and smiling upon, does not mean that everyone involved needs to appreciate my quiet moments. There is something beautiful in reading an entire novel in one sitting without even having to leave the store. Plus – yummy coffee.

I have always been a very extroverted individual, very social. Each year as I get old though, I realize my love for my time spent by myself. 3.5 years ago when I first moved into my own apartment, no roommates, is when I realized that a movie theater by yourself is just as fun if not more than going with friends or a loved one. You can choose whatever movie you want without judgement, and no one steals your popcorn. Shopping by yourself is also fulfilling. I can spend as much or little time as I want in each store, pass by the popular stores for the lame ones, pick up and put down the same things over and over and over again.

There is one stipulation to this. Time spent alone is best when the alone time is an option picked over spending time with loved ones. When all of alone time is spent that way because one has no other option, it is severely detrimental to the positivity of the alone time.

Standing on a street corner waiting for my love to change.

Amen, John Waters.

I have been laid up in my bed for a day and a half, after throwing my back out STANDING ABSOLUTELY STILL DOING NOTHING. Ain’t life grand? So, this is an affliction that has been chasing me for 5 years – every once and a while my femoral head dislocates (essentially – my hip bone) and I am in screaming pain any time I try to move until I get to see God (aka the chiropractor) and they fix it. Then I have about 24 hours of laying around doing nothing except ice bags every other 15 minutes and rubbing biofreeze EVERYWHERE. What this diatribe is meant to express is, I had a lot of extra time on my hands today.

So What did I do With That Extra Time?

Watched a Law and Order Marathon on the USA network, of course. And read. I actually re-read and entire novel today that took me 3 weeks to read the first time through. Anthropology of an American Girl by Hilary Thayer Hamann. I absolutely love this novel, and I am now considering it my bible. I recommend that every girl read this book at age 15, again at 18, 23, 25, 31, and so on. I am a firm believer in the idea represent in Catcher in the Rye that every time you view something, read something, experience something, etc – you see it through a different lens than the last time you did whatever it was, depending on the roads you have taken and events that have happened in your life – and this books is a prime example. Women will always have a very strong reaction to this book, however depending on what stage of your life you are in you are going to take different things from it.

“This ambitious work explores the sexual and intellectual awakening of a young American woman struggling to remain true to herelf as she encounters love, passion, and death amid the challenges and heartbreaks of growing up.”

This is how the books website itself describes it. This is all very accurate, however AOAAG is so much more than that. It is coming-of-age novel that explores not only the trials and tribulations of growing up, but the effect your life choices have on everyone else around you – or the non-effect that is simply heartbreaking. It looks at the relationships between generations, as well as the difference between a school age friendship//adult friendship, and what it takes for a young girls crush to develop into mature love. Also the weights and measures put on ones soul when deciding whether to do the right thing, the smart thing, the easy thing, or to follow the path your heartstrings lead you down – and neither of these things follow the same guidelines.

Evie has to constantly reinvent herself and her outlook on the world just so simply exist and also to not make a huge hypocrite out of herself and her life. It truly examines the coming of age process on a whole new level.

SO! Buy it, read it. Re read it. Make sure you have some tissues, and a highlighter. Maybe some post-it bookmarks. And then comment below and tell me what you think. I enjoy other peoples opinions – why would we all have differing opinions if not to share them?

a brief bio

these are briefs

and this is a bio:

24 years old, femme queer woman.

I do Project Management for a major retail corporation and therefore I live in hotels

throughout New England 10 months a year.

I have a couple of very close very important friends, and

if someone does something to piss them off, it is buyer beware. Mama Bear will attack.

I am an oldschool book worm. I received one of those e-readers for Christmas last

year, but I can’t get past the amazing-ness of an actual novel. The smell, the weight,

being able to judge my progress with the creases in the binding.

I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I am registered

Republican so that I may vote in the primaries, and I have to weight

the importance of my civil liberties against the importance of not being raped

by the government in every paycheck. Also I wish to retire one day and

I can’t fund a 401K if I’m paying out the ass in taxes.

I will hang out with anyone who is willing to ride around in a car on

a sunny day, and put up with my constant karaoke.